Beyonce Takes Ogre
by BeezInTheTrap123
Summary: Everything was peaceful after Farquaad's death, but DuLoc was about to come to a rude awakening when the Fire Nation attacked...
1. The Beginning

I stopped to tie my shoe. I hear the winds behind me as I cross the laces in front of one another, tightly grasping the aglets. I look up to see the statue of the queen of DuLoc.

Hello. My name is Shrek. I'm an ogre. Ogre's have layers, like onions. But not like a cake. Anyway, this is a tale. It is a story of love, tragedy, and war. After Prince Fartquarh had been banished to the stomach of my sister-in-law, I was rightfully supposed to be king. At least, everybody voted me to be king. I guess that would be more like a president? Okay, so everybody voted me to be president of DuLoc, and everything had seemed to be okay. Everything was okay….until the Fire Nation attacked. They took over our ports, and captured all the fairy-tale creatures and sold them for hammers. Only , master of all four elements could stop them. But when the world needed him most, he vanished… 100 years later in my swamp, I found new Avatars, and although they still have a lot to learn, I believe, the Spice Girls can save the world….is what I had thought. The Spice Girls had trained for years and when they finally faced—nevermind. We will get to that in due time. Let me just continue with the story.

I looked up to see the immense stone portrayal of the queen. I quietly mumbled to myself and looked to my side, only to see a rebel throw a pebble at the queens statue. Not soon after I heard the police sirens in the distance. "_Never tired, never tired, I been sipping, that's the only thing that's keeping me on fire, me on fire_~" the sirens song grew closer. And closer. And closer. The metal policeman jumped out. The rebel noticed and tried to run away. That's funny. Metal Policeguy got out his weapon and aimed for the rebel. Shot. Then silence. The cop dragged off the rebel's body and into the police car. "Oh, what has become of my poor DuLoc…?" I thought to myself as I looked in despair to the statue of the Queen. Queen Beyonce.

How did Beyonce come into power? Why did the Spice Girls fail? What does any of this have to do with Shrek? These are unanswered questions. Unanswered questions lead to a sequel. Everything and more will become clear to you. Stay tuned for the Oprahcalypse.


	2. The Prophecy

I tighten my hood to conceal my face. I wasn't supposed to be here. After all, I was the ruler of DuLoc until Queen Beyonce took over. No…I need to stop calling her queen. She took over my country, I do not bow down to her. I hear the police sirens again in the distance. "Woops. Time to skedaddle." I faintly but seductively whisper to myself. The sirens song grew to an unbearably loud decibel as they grew closer, and the puddles splash underneath my feet as I run into the Alleyways.

The Alleyway was not just any ordinary dark and gloomy alleyway. No, this alleyway was not one alleyway, but a network of connecting alleyways that formed a city that stretched from the center of DuLoc all the way to the outskirts of the city. I make my way through the various shops located in the Alleyway and I hear a strange noise. I stop in my tracks, then sniff around. Nothing. I take one step further and the noise get's stronger and begins to form words. "…Closer…come closer my dear child…" "Eh? Who's there laddeh?! Come on, I can take ye'!" I screamed out in fear and self-defense. Though I didn't show it. "Hehehehe….I only want to tell your future~!" said the voice. "Come into my shop~" I walked into where I assumed the noise was coming from. "Sit down~" A chair flew from nowhere and granted me access to it's oak platform. I allowed my booty to bestow itself onto the chair surface. Silence. "W-Well, what the onion ist' going on here?! Go on, show y—" I stopped as I felt something bouncing on my shoulder. Two soft…spheres? I don't know, it was weird. I was frozen with fear as this went on for about 7 and a half more minutes before the lights came on, only to reveal a fortune teller gently twerking on my shoulder blades. "Oh SNAP!" exclaimed the fortune teller as she pulled back. "?!" was my initial reaction. "….WHAT. ARE YOU DOING. IN MY SWAMP?!" I screamed at her. Swamp was also referred to as personal space in ogrenese, as swamps are our homes, and thus our hearts. "Oh, snap, I am SO. SORRY. You know, it's just that business has been kind of slow and- ?!" the fortune teller suddenly grew wide-eyed and stared intently into space.

""Uh, ello'? Lasseh? You alright?" There was just silence. After about 34.26 seconds later, she suddenly came back to reality. "Oh snap, I just had a vision." "EH?!" "Oh, sorry, I haven't introduced myself yet. I'm Raven Baxter. I have this thing where I can kinda see the future." See the future? That's a laugh. "You…you're Shrek, aren't you? The rightful king—" "President." "—president of DuLoc?" I replied, "Ay lassie. That be who I am. But what my character be importance of? And what did you exactly see in this 'vision' of yours?" "I saw…Queen Beyonce…and you…..you had found the key….the key to ogrethrow Beyonce….you will be capable of great things, President Shrek…." "Not that I believe you, but where exactly is this key?" "Hrm….I see trees….trees as thick as….wood. And water…the murkiest water…." "Ay! That sounds like where I live! You're pretty good at this guessing thing, aren't ye, lassie?" "….WEAVE!" "What? Weave?! Now why would you say—" I turned around and quickly ducked, just barely dodging the incoming weave boomerang aiming at my jugular. "We must leave, quickly! They heard about the vision!" The fortune teller suddenly grabbed a handle sticking out of the wall, dodging all the incoming weaves coming through the windows. The fortune teller thrust open a secret door, jumping in it, escaping the doom. I tried to go too, but the door was jammed! I shake the door desperately, trying to escape. I turn around only to see 5 weave boomerangs heading straight for me.

What will happen next? Will Shrek escape the deadly weaves? Or did he ogre-estimate his life expectancy?! Stay tuned to find out.


End file.
